Do You Want Children? The You Need To Know This!
This is a very important issue that cannot be emphasised enough. Typically it is the man that is not in a hurry for children. For a woman, due to biology as there is only a limited window of opportunity to procreate, so her decision whether to have children should be hers and hers alone. She should never feel pressured to go along with her partner’s wishes just to please him or to keep the peace. For, once the decision is made not to have children and the biological window of opportunity closes, she cannot change her mind and undo her decision.
A common line from many men is: “If I find the right partner, then I’ll have children”. This is not the same as women typically saying: “I want children, so now I’m looking for the right person to have them with.” For everyone it should be a case of if you want children, then you go and find the right partner to have them with, not the other way around. Most importantly you need to clarify the issue from the beginning and choose a like-minded partner in the first place, not leave it and deal with the issue later which never works out.
Does he want children? Are they a must-have? If you seriously want children then you must be serious with this question and honest with yourself. This is a question that needs to be addressed early on when you start a relationship, especially if you really want children and you are in your 30s.
Even if you are still in your 20s, you still need to address this question with your partner early, as time flies, and you could waste years with someone who in the end decides he doesn’t want children. Then you have to start the search again and take time meeting someone new and also getting to know each other and establishing a relationship. Then, before you know it, you are well into your 30s and pushing the panic button.
Get A Clear Answer
You need to directly ask him the question of whether he wants children. A common answer from uncommitted men is to say he is open to having children but it all depends on the right relationship. This may be entirely true but it is not the same as the driving passion of a woman wanting to have children then going to find the right partner to have them with. However beware it can also be a cover for him just to get you in a relationship without him having any intention of having children in at least the near or medium term.
If you want children then you need to choose a man who also is clear and definite about wanting children. This means that he is certain that this is what he wants, and isn’t likely to change his mind, which is what you can’t afford to take a risk on. You can’t choose one who is undecided on the issue or says it depends on whether he’s with the right partner. While this is fair enough, it is often used as a way of avoiding that line of questioning. Even if he is genuine about willing to have children if he finds the right partner, that is not a good enough basis for a woman to take that chance, for what if at the end of it all he says “sorry”, but your relationship is not strong enough for children?
Then all you can do is make sure his stance on the subject doesn’t change, for once it does then that is the time for you to bail. This is a most important matter in a woman’s life and something close to her heart; therefore it’s also something you can’t compromise on.
A man can biologically still have children throughout his life so the matter of time is not so pressing. However, a man can still be unhappy if he loves and wants children, and if his wife doesn’t or wants to wait. This can be seen in the case of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. Reportedly Brad wanted to have children and Jennifer Aniston wanted to wait and work on her career. Once he met someone who he clicked with and who also loved children (Angelina Jolie), he left Aniston for her. He had met someone who wanted what he did.
When the desire for children doesn’t match, then the accommodating partner would be quietly unhappy. This unhappiness breeds resentment, then either the resentment will lead to the relationship breaking up by itself, or once they meet someone else who also wants the same thing then they will leave.
The worst case would be where a woman has given up her desire for children out of love for her partner, while at the same time assuring her partner and herself that she is alright about it. However, once she hits her 40s then that unhappiness would have built up and depression can hit. She will then lash out at her partner for pushing her into this situation. Her partner might not have been any the wiser at her unhappiness, a terrible situation for the both of them. She might not be able to stay with him any more as she would then blame him for her not having children. The pain he may suffer from his guilt would also be so intolerable he would no longer be able to stay with her.
This can sound repetitive but because this is such an important issue that I must emphasis the point. If your partner’s desire for children does not match yours, then it’s in your best interest to find this out early on, and if your desires don’t match, then move on quickly and find someone else.
